


Endings.

by lizibabes



Series: MCR Bingo [17]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Sex, Swearing, past alcohol and drug abuses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:58:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt other: Break up fill on my MCR bingo card. He loved Bert, but he had to let him go. Now he's ready to walk away from a man he loves for the second time in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endings.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> No Bert bashing in this fic, he's not the bad guy in this story. Au in that none of the boys are married.

Gerard POV  
　  
He's alone in his room in some generic hotel, staring at the wall even though he has nothing to look at, it's a blank wall. He's trying to think, but his head feels fuzzy. Last night he broke up with Frank, he broke up with Frank and he's trying to work out why the fuck he did that. They'd been together a while now and it's been good, Frank cares about him, makes him laugh and the sex had been great. Gerard just wasn't sure Frank loved him, so instead of asking if he did, he'd called it off to avoid getting hurt, like a coward. He looks away from the wall; it doesn't have any answers, just like he hadn't had real ones for Frank when he'd asked why Gerard was ending it. He'd looked so hurt, surprised, but then it wasn't like they'd been having problems, so Gerard guesses it is surprising.  
　  
Frank had asked if it had anything to do with Bert, they'd run into him last night, Gerard had said no, but he knows that was a lie and he hates himself for lying to Frankie. He'd loved Bert, really fucking loved him, but it had never been good between them. Not because Bert wasn't good, but because they weren't good for each other, what they'd had, it hadn't been healthy and Gerard had been killing himself. He broke up with Bert because he knew he wouldn't stay clean if he stayed with Bert. It looks like he's cleaned up now, but back then, Bert wouldn't even try to get clean for Gerard. He's not mad about that, they both have baggage and anything he said in anger Bert had apologized for. He's not in love with Bert anymore; he's not leaving Frank to be with Bert. It's just that seeing Bert stirred a lot up in him. He'd told Bert he loved him, but Bert had never said the words, which was why Gerard had known they wouldn't survive through him getting clean. He'd ended things and hurt them both, when all he'd meant to do was save them both pain.  
　  
It seems like whenever he tries to stop himself from getting hurt, he just ends up tearing himself apart. Seeing Bert had made him think about how things were with Frank, easy and fun, but Gerard didn't know what he meant, if anything, to Frank. They'd kissed one night after a show, high on adrenaline and the kiss had lingered. It had been a hotel night and they'd come back to the room and fallen into bed. Frank had fucked him through the mattress, after that they had just been together, they hadn't talked about it. They never talked about dating; they were just a couple overnight. Gerard had been in love with Frank before they'd gone to bed together, but he didn't have the guts to just say it when Frank hadn't hinted at anything close to feelings.  
　  
When he hears the knock at the door, he assumes it's Mikey come to talk, so he gets up, if he ignores Mikey he won't just go away like anyone else would. He'd probably charm someone into giving him the key so he can let himself in. He was meant to be sharing his room with Frank, he's not even sure where Frank slept and it makes him feel sick, he's pretty sure everyone is mad at him for this shit.   
　  
He opens the door and just stares, it isn't Mikey, it's Bert. Apparently the saying about think of the devil and the devil will appear has more truth to it than Gerard had thought. Bert looks good, long hair black at the moment, like Gerard's but longer. He's dressed simply in jeans and a T-shirt, but he looks good, clean and healthy. Gerard glances at his own over worn pyjamas and thinks Bert probably isn't thinking the same about him.  
　  
"I had to bribe someone to find your room, so you should let me in. I made an effort." Bert smirks and Gerard just steps back, because sometimes it's just easier to give Bert what he wants, it always has been. He wonders back over to the bed he hasn't slept in and sits on the end, crossing his legs, feeling oddly embarrassed about looking a mess in front of Bert. He's pale, his eyes are red, and he’s in Frank's favourite pyjamas, because he's a sad masochistic bastard. He doesn't need to be around his ex, looking like crap, after he's just broken up with a man he's in love with.   
　  
"So I ran in to Toro." Bert tells him.  
　  
"And?" Gerard asks, at least Bert's closed the door behind him and he hasn't come any closer. They always used to be affectionate, even before they started their messed up thing together, but Gerard doesn't want to be hugged right now. He's been an asshole, no wonder everyone else in the band’s hiding with Frank somewhere.  
　  
"He said you broke up with Frank? You guys looked happy." Bert points out.  
　  
"I did, we were." Gerard shrugs.  
　  
"Then why break up with him?" Bert asks.  
　  
"Why do you care?" Gerard snaps, standing up, he feels the need to pace and it kind of makes him want to be sick when he realises he's picked up one of Frank's nervous habits. He wonders if Frank is stressed, upset, pissed off, if he's over it already, if he didn't care to begin with. He wants to ask Bert what exactly Ray said, but he can't bring himself to open his mouth.   
　  
"Hey, don't snap at me because you've sabotaged your own happiness." Bert says, flopping down into a chair.  
　  
"I'm not sabotaging anything." Gerard argues.   
　  
"Well you were happy with him and you dumped him, so that's bullshit." Bert shrugs.  
　  
"He didn't love me." Gerard growls, running a hand through his hair, he hates this, hates how he feels and how he's probably hurt Frank. Even if it was casual to Frank, getting dumped still sucks and now the whole band will hate him and people will take sides, it's going to fuck everything up.   
　  
"Did he say that?" Bert asks.  
　  
"No." Gerard admits.  
　  
"Did you ask?" Bert presses.  
　  
"No, but we've never talked. No one but the band knows about us and we don't talk about it. He's never said anything." Gerard sighs. He doesn't know where he stands with Frank, has never known.  
　  
"You’re a fuck wit. You should have talked to him about it. Why did you jump the gun and dump him?" Bert is staring at him like he's an idiot and considering Bert's history with dating, that's saying something. If he thinks Gerard is being stupid about his relationship then he must be fucking up, but then he knows he is. He just can't seem to ever get it right.  
　  
"Because what if I asked and he didn't?" Gerard asks, knowing he sounds pathetic.  
　  
"You dumped him after you saw me at that award show." Bert points out.  
　  
"I'm not like, not over you." Gerard mumbles.  
　  
"I didn't think that. But you broke up with me, too. I get why now, I do, I get that it was for the best." Bert shrugs.  
　  
"I needed to be clean or I would have died and you couldn't help me with that, I didn't expect you to." Fuck he wishes Bert would leave; he doesn't need to reopen old wounds right now. Being without Frank feels like he's dying, but he knew he would never have lived through Frankie ending it if they realised they both wanted different things. Frank casual, not friends with benefits, more than that, but less than love.   
　  
"Did you love me?" Bert asks.  
　  
"Why are you asking me this now?" Gerard asks, he can't handle this, it's like being kicked when he is already down. Maybe he deserves it for calling quits on his and Frank's thing without so much as a conversation.  
　  
"Gerard, just fucking answer me. Did you love me?" Bert doesn't look mad, which helps, if Bert was pissed at him too, Gerard is pretty sure he'd have to go hide in the bathroom till he got bored and left, because he is clearly a mature, fully grown adult.  
　  
"Yes, are you happy now? I fucking loved you, but we were poison together and I was poisoning myself." Gerard spits.  
　  
"Did I love you?" Bert asks, ignoring everything he said.  
　  
"What? How could I know that?" Gerard asks.  
　  
"Yeah, you didn't ask me either. I did, I loved you, not enough to get clean. I was only ever going to kick that shit if I wanted to do it for me. Maybe I'm selfish. I know you did it for Mikey, your family and the band as much as you did it for you." Bert says casually, like he's not just changing reality. For years Gerard has been able to think everything with Bert was one sided, Bert didn't love him, so the break up didn't hurt him. Maybe Bert's anger back then had been made bitter by the drugs, but maybe Gerard had given him reason to be angry as well.   
　  
"I didn't know. Maybe I didn't want to, it was easier to leave you if I let myself believe you couldn't ever love me. I had to leave so I made it easier." Gerard admits.  
　  
"So maybe you’re pulling the same shit with Iero. You love him, right? I can see it when you look at him, can see it in how fucked up you are now. You look like someone ripped your chest open and pissed in it." Bert sighs.  
　  
"I'm in love with Frankie and I didn't even know if we were boyfriends. When I saw you it reminded me how much it hurt when we ended, I knew it'd be worse if Frank and I went bad, I love him more. When I was with you, I didn't think I could love someone more and then Frank happened. I started thinking I should just end it before he could hurt me." Gerard flops down on his bed; it's all so fucked up.  
　  
"Well that's fucking stupid. Love hurts sometimes, but grow some balls and take the risk." Bert practically yells.  
　  
"It's too late, I fucked it up, he'll hate me now." Gerard sighs; he just wants to sleep for days, to not have to deal with this. He wants to go back in time, to before he broke up with Frank; he wishes he could undo it. He just wants to be anywhere but here, in this messed up situation.  
　  
"He might not. I mean he looked pretty gone on you. Go bat your eyelashes at him, suck his cock, whatever works for you two. Just stop looking so damn miserable, Gee Way." Bert orders.  
　  
He loves Frank, telling Frank it was over, it had felt like the worst choice he had ever made even as he was making it. He'd hardly been able to look at Frank when he was talking, almost hadn't got the words out, each and every one had stuck in his throat. He knows he made the wrong choice, but now it's if he can fix it. Frank might not be able to just forgive him for acting rashly and dumping him just because he'd freaked out. He thinks maybe he'd be willing to do anything to get Frank to forgive him, no matter how humiliating, no matter how much pain he's risking, he has to try, he love's Frank, he has to.  
　  
Someone knocks on the door, someone who clearly got another key card because it swings open before Gerard can even sit up.   
　  
"What the fuck, Gerard?" Mikey yells, looking between him on the bed and Bert in the chair.  
　  
"It's not what it looks like, Mikey Way." Bert swears.  
　  
"You just broke up with Frank. Did you break up with him just to get back with Bert now that he's clean?" Mikey asks, looking furious. Mikey knows everything about what happened with Bert, he knows Gerard was in love with him and only broke up with him because he knew he couldn't be with Bert and be clean. He can see what Mikey would think he might want to be with Bert now.  
　  
"Bert just came to talk and call me an idiot." Gerard sights standing up.  
　  
"You gonna go talk to Frank?" Bert asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I need to talk to him. Please tell me where he is, Mikey?" He needs to see Frank, see if he can fix this or if he fucked it up beyond all repair.   
　  
"He's in a room with Ray. Do I need to worry about Bert being here?" Mikey asks.  
　  
"I'm clean, Mikey. I'm not going to tell him to have a drink or anything. Gerard was good enough to forgive me for being a dick, so I wanted to help him not be one either." Bert shrugs.  
　  
"I'll get Frank to come here so you can be alone." Mikey doesn't look happy, but he's going to get Frank and Gerard will talk to him later.   
　  
"I better get going then." Bert points out. Gerard goes to the door with him, he's so grateful to Bert. Even if it all goes to shit and Frank won't take him back, at least he has the guts to try now; he's done being a coward.  
　  
"Thanks, for helping me see what a moron I am. I think the others wouldn't call me on my shit, they get afraid of upsetting me." Gerard shrugs.  
　  
"No problem, dude." Bert hugs him quickly and Gerard can't help but cling a little. This was the first man he loved, the first break up that felt like the world was ending when it happened. Being without Frank hurts worse though, which says something for how much he must Love Frank. If he's lost Frank for good, because he broke up with him out of stupidity and fear, he's not sure he'll ever get over it. Bert ruffles his hair and then wonders off down the hallway, Gerard's glad he came, and glad that they can be friends again after so much bad blood.  
　  
He doesn't close the door, he just stands and waits while Frank appears. Frankie, fuck he looks pale and his eyes are red. He looks like he hasn't slept and maybe like he's been crying a lot. He stops on the other side of the doorway and it doesn't look like he plans to take even another step.  
　  
"Mikey said I had to come for the bands sake." Frank mutters, Frank loves the band, it's kind of low for Mikey to use it against him, but Gerard can't find it in himself to be mad at him for it.

"I'm in love with you, that's why I broke up with you." Gerard blurts out; he wishes Frank would come in to the room, so they could sit down and talk more privately and comfortably.   
　  
"What? That doesn't even make sense." Frank frowns.  
　  
"I saw Bert and it reminded me of how I loved him, how losing him felt like losing a limb." Gerard begins, only for Frank to interrupt.  
　  
"I don't really want to hear about your ex when you just broke up with me." Frank hisses.  
　  
"I love you more than I loved him, so I was scared, because if I lost you, I knew the pain would be worse, it would be like dying. So I ended it, before you could." Gerard rambles on, regardless of the interruption; he needs to say all this.  
　  
"I wasn't planning on leaving you, Gerard, like ever, you were it for me." Frank yells.  
　  
"You, we never talk about it, I just assumed you didn't love me. I mean, fuck I'm an ex junkie who can't even really be around booze. You could do so much better than me." Gerard shrugs.  
　  
"I love you. I don't care about that other stuff. You were always enough for me. I don't need or want better." Frank says softly.  
　  
"Please, take me back? I'll do anything to make up for being a shit head, moron, and coward. I'll spend forever making it up to you." Gerard begs; he's not too proud to admit it. He is in love with Frank and Frank has said he loves him, he never thought he did, but he didn't always even think he was worthy of love. He'd let all his issues from the past fuck this up and he only hoped Frank could forgive his stupidity and still want him.  
　  
Frank steps in close and kisses him, hard and fast, stretching up to get a good angle and eat Gerard's face off.  
　  
"You are so fucking stupid, of course I love you." Frank pulls the door shut behind him before crowding into his space again. Gerard wraps his arms around his lover, loving how Frank always feels small, but solid, strong in his arms.  
　  
"I know, let me make it up to you?" Gerard begs, they might have only broken up for a night, but he can see he put Frank through hell.   
　  
"You fucked up, one of us was bound to do it at some point, I honestly thought it would be me. You don't have to do anything other than not do it again." Frank says softly, leaning in again to nip at his lip.  
　  
"I want to make you feel good, after making you feel so shitty." Gerard argues and suddenly Frank smiles wickedly.  
　  
"Hmmm okay, make me feel good." Frank all but purrs, his body rocking forward a little. Gerard's shocked for maybe half a second and then his brain and body jump on board with Frank’s plan. He wants to make Frank feel good and being together like this, it always makes him feel so close to Frank, he really wants to feel that closeness after the distance he created for a day, a day that feels like it lasted forever.  
　  
He kisses Frank, putting every bit of passion, lust, love, everything he feels into the kiss, into the way his lips move over Frank’s, into the dual of their tongues. Frank had asked him to make him feel good, so he's surprised when Frank takes charge. They are both pretty versatile in the bedroom, they've both been the one in charge before, so he's used to and more than happy to give control over to Frank. It's a good choice on his part he thinks, Frank has him naked on the bed, face down and ass in the air in minutes. He's gasping for breath, his dick hard as a rock as Frank rims him, getting him wet and loosened up before he starts to add fingers.  
　  
Gerard is a writhing mess by the time Frank rolls on a condom and moves Gerard so that they can be face to face.  
　  
"I love you so much." Gerard whispers as Frank pushes in between his legs, bending Gerard almost in half. He's always had to hold the words back before, they have been on the tip of his tongue every time he's been with Frank, but he always holds them in, he doesn't have to now, he can say it as much as he likes, so he will. Frank stops moving and kisses him tenderly.  
　  
"I love you, too." Frank tells him and then with one smooth thrust, he's pushing into Gerard's body. He moans, it sounds stupid and loud to his own ears, but Frank always says he likes the sounds Gerard makes when they are together. He doesn't want to hold anything back. He wraps himself around Frank, pulling him closer, drawing him in closer to kiss his full lips, his neck. Frank's thrusts are bordering on rough, but he's not rushing things, it's as close to sweet and slow as they have ever come, with just a hint of desperation. Gerard thinks they both know they almost lost this, not just the sex, but everything between them. Gerard never thought it would be a break up that led him to confessing to being in love with Frank.  
　  
They draw it out, slow lingering touches, mixed in with hands gripping flesh hard enough to bruise, soft lips dragging over lips and tongues fighting, fucking. It’s a mix of tenderness and passion; it's never been quite like this. It sounds sappy, even saying it in his own head, but he thinks this is the first time they have ever made love. He loses count of how many times he tells Frank he loves him, but Frankie smiles every time, like it’s the best thing he has ever heard. When his orgasm hits, Gerard can't hold back at all.  
　  
"I love you, fuck Frank, I love you so much." He gasps, cum spilling between their bodies and over Frank’s hand. Frank kisses him hard, stealing his words and his breath and then he's cumming, moaning low and deep in a way that is so damn sexy it makes his dick twitch, even though there is no chance he can get hard right now.  
　  
"Love you too, Gee." Frank slurs into his ear, voice wrecked from moaning.

He really can't believe a break up has led to this, to them finally being able to just say it. He shouldn't have been afraid, it's not like Frank has ever acted like he didn't care. He'd been afraid to ask, talking would have saved him and Frank a lot of trouble, but he's here now, with Frank, he's given the other man his heart to keep and he knows that Frank will look after it and that is all that matters to him.  
　  
The End.


End file.
